The Illusion of Escape

Let me begin with a confession. I am a child of the 80’s.

Who cares, you may ask? Why does that matter?

Well, those of us who were raised in the “Miami Vice” and “nightly reruns of Star Trek” era……well, we can tell you where we were when we got our first TV in our own room. It was glorious! It was also addictive. Because of this, I can sing the theme songs to many shows from that era. BJ and the Bear? I got you. Dukes of Hazzard? Definitely one of my favorite karaoke’s! I mean, I was a TV junkie during that period of my life. And one of the commercials that stands out in my memory is the famous Dr. Pepper ad.

Sing it with me……. “I’m a Pepper…….you’re a Pepper…..he’s a Pepper…..she’s a Pepper……..wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too??”  (I know everyone over the age of 50 is singing with me here).

Well, this morning, that song popped into my head as I was thinking about life.

Yes, somehow my brain combines existential pondering and famous 80’s TV commercials. Doesn’t everyone’s?

As I think about many of the clients I see……and, well, as I think about my own life…..I could sing the same Dr. Pepper tune with different words.

“I’m a runner……..you’re a runner…….he’s a runner……she’s a runner……..wouldn’t you like to be a runner too?”

Or……more likely….

“I’m an avoider……you’re an avoider……he’s an avoider…..she’s an avoider…….wouldn’t you like to be…….well, you get it…..” (though, admittedly……the word “avoider” doesn’t fit the cadence well).

Regardless of the tune, the truth hit me hard. Most of us really are runners……avoiders. We live in a life that is difficult; one where suffering and hardship is all around us and touches us in numerous ways.

School violence has morphed into mass violence anywhere and from anyone.

Despite years of research, cancer still takes the lives of so many.

We talk and talk about peace in the world, but war continually breaks out.

And let’s look at it at a more micro level…..a personal one. WE suffer. We struggle to pay bills……we are wounded in our relationships……..we battle anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

And we run. We avoid. We escape into shopping, or pornography, or addiction or we just binge watch our favorite show on Netflix.

“I’m a runner……you’re a runner…..he’s a runner…..she’s a runner…….”

And yet…..running……avoiding…….escaping…….if we’re honest, none of it works. In fact, despite a short rush of dopamine, our typical forms of escape often lead us deeper into suffering. Not only do we have to continually deal with the hardships of life, which our escapism has done nothing about…..now we must deal with the debt we have run up in our running, the health problems that rise out of addiction, the shame that deepens from our behaviors.

And so, anxiety spikes, depression deepens, our tempers are short, our relationships are fractured.

And still we run.

Maybe it’s time to stop running from hardships and to start embracing them. I mean, we can’t really escape them anyway. We can never run far enough that they cannot catch up. There is nowhere on this planet where suffering cannot reach us. We live in a world where hardship and suffering are simple realities. We cannot escape…..but we can endure. We cannot avoid…..but we can embrace.

And when we choose to face our hardships…..embrace them, even, we give ourselves the opportunity to become stronger and more courageous. Instead of writing ourselves the next check for shame, we instead build a foundation of courage.

For people of faith, when we stop running and start facing our problems, we make room for God to work supernaturally in our lives. We invite Him to grow us in wisdom and resilience.

Even for those who do not claim a faith of any kind, facing hardship gives them the chance to become stronger people…..resilient people……the kind of people who can look in the mirror and find peace, knowing they have shown the courage to walk into the fire, and have survived.

This blog is not intended to be a shameless plug for my counseling practice, Forge & Path, but this topic is at the heart of my approach and belief system. The name, “Forge & Path,” arose out of my belief that it is when we press into our hardest times, especially when someone comes alongside of us in the process, we can become resilient and the best versions of ourselves we can be. I totally believe that, and it is at the heart of everything I do.

And so, this is really a challenge to you as the reader……..the offering of a unique perspective, if you will.

The world has taught us to run and escape……after all, “I’m a runner, you’re a runner….” (I promise I won’t sing it again)

But there is truly a better way. It is a way of courage and resilience. It’s about running into the flames because you know that is the path to strength and peace, even if it’s hot and scary all at the same time.

Maybe we’ve been going about life the wrong way.

Maybe we’ve been running on a hamster wheel of escape that never ends and never helps….never gets us anywhere.

Maybe it’s time to stop running and to start facing all that life brings.

The idea of true escape is an illusion anyway. It never really works, and so why not try something else?

The truth is, most of us are not running because we are weak. We are running because we are afraid of what will happen if we stop. Afraid of what we might feel. Afraid of what might surface. Afraid that if we turn and face the fire, it will consume us. But what if the fire is not there to destroy you? What if it is there to refine you? What if the very thing you keep escaping is the doorway to the strength and peace you’ve been chasing all along? Maybe the first act of courage is not charging into battle…but simply stopping long enough to turn around.