“Life As A Whisper”

Not a lot of wit to today’s Ashes & Ink blog.

I’m not in the mood for puns or humor, really.

This week, I am once again reminded of the brevity of this life; of how precious each moment is because we never know when our journey here will come to an end.

In my line of work, as both a pastor and as a counselor, this reality has smacked me in the face more times than I can count. Heck, just as a PERSON it has reared its ugly head. I have lost my dad, my mom…….former classmates, friends……..I have held my dearest dogs in my arms as their lives faded from existence. As a pastor, I have sat with many who were on the brink of the other side; children, the elderly, those who were gone earlier than expected.

Even now, I am in touch with some good friends who are walking that journey with a loved one. They are in that sacred, but uncomfortable place where you are helpless to fix the situation, and can only love and comfort, and pray for peace.

In my own life, one of our precious dogs has had something attack her liver aggressively. We don’t know what it is…….and we are doing all we know to do; antibiotics, subcutaneous fluids, anti-nausea medications…….begging her to drink water and to keep eating, and not knowing whether she will pull through this or if we will, once again, face the grief that comes from losing a precious part of our lives.

I know…..depressing blog, huh?

In fact, most of us don’t write about this reality at all. Heck, forget writing about it…..most of us don’t want to broach the subject in any way. We don’t want to write about it, talk about it, face it………the fact that this life is but a whisper, and then we’re gone.

This REALLY hit me when I lost my dad back in 2006. He was a larger-than-life figure to me; energetic, charismatic, full of life and energy, and love for people. It’s strange to write this but even up to the very point of his death, I think a part of me believed he would live forever on this earth….that he would never die. Or, if he did, it would be far in the future, when I was more ready for it. But die he did, from a combination of cancer and a stubborn infection that caused him to waste away to a shell of himself. And when that happened, I had to face this reality; life really does end for everyone, even my dad.

His visitation and funeral were a testimony to his life. Honestly, there was a line of people all the way out of the church and into the parking lot for hours at his visitation. He had made an impact on a small, rural area in southeastern Ohio. His funeral was sacred and somehow I made it through preaching the sermon. Part of me wanted someone else to do it so I could simply grieve. But the bigger part of me knew that I owed it to him to say the words, and so God gave me the strength to say them without breaking down.

It was at his graveside that it really hit me. The reality of it all. Truly, so many “epiphanies” hit me like a tidal wave; the reality of how brief this life is, the fact that no matter how much impact a soul makes that people move on with life after they’re gone, and that we must wrestle with what we TRULY believe happens after this life.

It was in those moments that heaven became more than a concept to me. After praying and wrestling with all of it, the REALITY of heaven being a real place for real people became ultra clear to me. It sank into my bones in a way it never had before. And that, to this day, gives me great hope. It helps me to face death in this life differently. It has changed my perspective on sitting with those who are about to pass from this life to the next.

When I was young, those situations caused me fear and anxiety….I dreaded going to visit someone who was at the end of their journey.

Now…..well, now I count it as sacred ground…..hallowed……like I should take my shoes off and realize that God is there.

To some it may seem cryptic, but I am no longer afraid to talk to them openly about what they’re experiencing. I ask them questions about what it’s like to face the end. I press into how the concept of dying has affected their faith in God or their view of what comes next.

I believe that most of them are relieved to talk about it; as if someone has opened the door to something that has weighed heavily on their minds and hearts. I have never had anyone in that situation refuse to talk about it, and I treasure those moments. I see them as reverent.

In fact, my final conversation with my father is etched into my memory and I think about it often.

He was in a rehab facility; just a nursing home but they called it a “rehab facility”  which I guess sounds a little better. We were chatting generally, my 2-year-old son crawling beneath my feet. And finally, I just asked him, “Dad, do you think you’re dying?”

He paused, grinned, and said, “Well, I have mixed feelings about that. But, if I am, I believe everything I’ve ever preached is true.”

Our conversation ended soon after. I picked up my son, walked out the door, believing that he was on the mend and that I would see him again soon.

A week later, he crossed over to the other side.

All these moments; the loss of my dad, the saints I have sat with before they died, the loss of my dear pets, the untimely deaths of numerous friends and classmates……all of them have reminded me…..

Life is truly a whisper.

When we’re young, we don’t think so. We believe that this life goes on and on and on. In fact, when one is young, life drags its feet. We just wish that it would get moving!! We have things to do and places to be.

But as age begins to creep up on us we realize…….it’s just a whisper.

An older gentleman that I hold dear told me a few years ago, “Aaron, life is like a roll of toilet paper…….the closer you get to the end, the quicker the roll runs out.”

And perhaps that is why we should stop avoiding this reality and start embracing it. Avoiding it will not change it but embracing it can change us. Because life is a whisper, we should wrestle honestly with what we believe comes after it. We should pay more attention to the ordinary blessings that surround us every day; a conversation with a friend, a drink of clean water, the laughter of a child, the faithful presence of someone we love. And we should be quicker to forgive, quicker to say, "I love you," and slower to assume that we will always have another opportunity. If life is as brief as it seems, then faith, gratitude, and love are not sentimental ideas. They are among the most important things we can give our attention to while we are here.

Let me close this blog by saying that it is NOT what I set out to write at all. I mean, I had intended to write a little about how hard it is to see our dog suffer, and I thought that might lead me into some introspection about life……but this blog took on a life of its own.

Because of that, it makes me think that someone out there needs to read these words.

If it’s you, please know that my heart is with you, wherever you are….and with whatever you are struggling.

And if you are facing the end of this journey, or someone you love is……then, in a paraphrase of my father, know that I believe everything I just wrote is true. May it bring you peace as you sit in that sacred place.