More Than a Toothache

It started with just a toothache. Not even that, really. I just started noticing that I had some sensitivity to cold stuff, like ice cream or popsicles. And not even all the time. But occasionally……if the ice cream hit JUST the right spot, I felt like I might catapult out of my chair. It was like a brain freeze, only sharper and faster. It would also be over quickly.

No big deal, I thought.

Gradually, I started having similar experiences when I would eat or drink things that were both cold or hot. Same thing. If the food hit a certain spot, it felt like how I imagine electric shock treatments to feel.

But again…..it wasn’t constant, and so I thought it would go away. It would be fine.

These things happen as we get older, right?

Welp…..you can probably expect what happened next. The pain gradually became more constant, until I finally had trouble eating anything at all on that side of my mouth.

Finally, I broke down and went to my dentist. She found that I had a cracked tooth and sent me to a specialist to be evaluated for a root canal. When I got to him, it didn’t take him long to tell me the crack was too deep for a root canal and so he referred me to another specialist, who informed me that I had waited too long…..that now the tooth was too far gone to be saved, and I had to have it extracted.

What began as an occasional pain became a much bigger problem.

To be honest, I’ve approached car problems in this way in the past. I heard a little knock or a little ping. The car was riding a bit rough, or I heard a funny noise. But look….life is busy. Repairs are expensive. And so, I put it off, hoping the noise was a fluke, or that somehow the car ferries would fix the problem while I slept.

Oftentimes, that little noise became a much bigger problem and, therefore, a much more expensive fix.

I can’t tell you how many times our mobile mechanic, Ray, would scold me in his Georgia drawl, “How many times I gotta tell ya, Aaron…..call me as soon as you hear something…..or it’s just gonna git wurse.” (He would often add more colorful language, but this is a family blog).

And as I sit here writing…….with a swollen cheek and on pain medicine……I realize that many of us, me included, often approach life in this way.

We feel the quick, sharp pains of woundedness in our hearts. The pangs of regret. The sting of rejection. The fear of abandonment.

We know that something deep inside us triggered anger that was bigger than it should have been. We suspect that our tendency to turn to food or alcohol or pornography is driven by something deep within us that might need healing………but we brush it aside. We ignore it. We bury those difficult emotions, hoping that they are just a fluke, or that they might go away, or maybe fix themselves.

But that rarely happens.

Just like my tooth, the anger, fear, anxiety, bitterness, pain……..they just have a way of becoming more pervasive, more disruptive of our lives. Gradually, they reveal themselves more and more; the hurt becomes more hurtful; the anger turns into moments of rage; the anxiety grows; our isolation becomes intolerable.

We just can’t run forever.

Eventually, we hit a point where we know we need to find help. We finally need to call the proverbial “dentist” or that “mechanic.”

But by the time we reach that point, we’re usually in trouble of some kind. Our relationships are at risk. Our addiction is becoming uncontrollable. The pain has become unbearable.

But here is what I want to tell you today…..

It’s okay.

No matter where you are on this journey of pain and healing, it’s okay to ask for help.

Whether you are just beginning to sense that there is something going on inside you, or you are at the end of your rope, it’s always the right time to find someone to come alongside you and help.

If you’re just noticing the problem, I would encourage you not to avoid it. I can tell you from my own experience, and from my years of working with people, it almost certainly won’t go away on its own. And the quicker you face those emotions….those wounds….the better. As Barney Fife would say, “Nip it in the bud! Nip it!”

But for those of you who have put it off for years, hoping the pain would go away. Hoping that the inevitable wounds of life would just slide under the rug and leave you alone…..well………by now you probably realize that they won’t go down quietly.

For all of you…….I want to assure you that there is hope. You are never too far gone.

You are not alone in this struggle unless you choose to be.

First, I want you all to know that there is a God who loves you and values you and is just waiting on you to invite Him into those hurts. The Bible says that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. It assures us that He is near to the broken-hearted. The Apostle John quotes Jesus as saying that He “stands at the door and knocks.”

It’s important that you hear this. That there is a God of the universe that sees you and loves you.

But I also want you to know that there are others out there who are safe and who have committed their lives to helping. Counselors, pastors, social workers, psychologists…..and others. It is not a sign of weakness to find someone to walk with you towards healing….someone who can be a guide, a confidante, and a partner on the journey.

To seek out someone who is ready to help is not weak……it is courageous.

So, let me ask you……is your tooth hurting today? Is there a “ping” in your car that shouldn’t be there?

Maybe today isn’t about fixing everything. Maybe it’s just about being honest.

Honest about what hurts. Honest about what keeps surfacing. Honest about the places in your life that don’t feel as steady or as whole as you wish they did.

That kind of honesty isn’t weakness. It’s where healing begins.

And when you’re ready, you don’t have to carry it alone. There are people who will sit with you in it. There is a God who meets you in it.

Because pain has a way of getting our attention…one way or another.