Hello, My Name Is…
Hi, I’m Aaron. And I’m a “fixoholic.”
It’s true. I confess it. When faced with a problem, whether mine or someone else’s, my first instinct is to strategize on how to fix it.
I know, I know. Sometimes people just want to be heard…..to be listened to…….to just have me present. And I try! Oh, how I try to be content in just “being there.” But sometimes I slip. I fall off that wagon. I break my sobriety from “fixoholism” and offer potential solutions.
I know lots of people who struggle with the same malady…..many of them men. I mean, there’s a reason that there are jokes, books, and YouTube videos about the differences in the communication styles between men and women. There is a kernel of truth in all of it.
It’s also true that when a man cannot fix the problem; especially the problems of someone he genuinely loves or cares about, it can lead a guy down the road into depression. I mean, let’s be honest, men. We don’t like to feel helpless and, when we do, we tend to spiral.
So, what is a red-blooded American fixer to do, when he can’t get his “fix” by “fixing”?
Well, I can’t pretend I have all the answers to that but let me offer a couple of ideas. First, I think we must come to the realization that it is an illusion to think we can fix everything, and that’s okay. We do what we can. We control what we can control (which is usually “us”). When someone asks us to help fix something, we can jump in headfirst and do our best. But, at times, we simply must confess that we’re not in control….that not every problem can be immediately fixed. And we must come to terms with that.
Second, we must learn to be at peace with being present. It makes us uncomfortable to just “be there.” I know. Because when we are just offering our presence, it means we must sit in the middle of strong emotions and that’s not easy for those of us with a Y chromosome.
For me, this is where my faith comes in. When what is called for is listening and presence, I choose to remember that it is only God who can “fix” things anyway, and I try to press into Him. I try to say a little prayer and ask Him to give me the courage to just “be” with a person in need. And then I ask Him to reveal the next steps when He is willing.
Is this always easy?
HAHAHAHAHA!! Good one!
But do these things help me? Yes…..yes, they do.
So, to all my fellow fixoholics………I get it. I’m with you. Solidarity, brothers!
But sometimes……well, MANY times……we’re not called to fix. We’re just called to be there. To listen. And to, as scripture says, give our anxieties….and the anxieties of others…..to God, for He cares for us.
After all, maybe healing doesn’t always come from fixing what’s broken, but from staying present long enough for love to do its quiet work.
