Daily Ground

My plan was to write something completely different for my next entry to “Ashes & Ink.”

In fact, I thought I had my next several weeks of Ashes all planned out….but…..well…..God had other plans.

I have been reading, “The Loveliness of Christ” by Samuel Rutherford, a small devotional in the genre of “My Utmost for His Highest.”  It was written by a 17th century Scottish minister and comes in that old-school poetic style of the day….something that can be “hit or miss” for me in the application.

Well, today was a big HIT.

In my reading today, Rutherford touched on the underlying desire of my heart; something I hadn’t even articulated fully, but knew as soon as I read it:

“However matters go, it is our happiness to win new ground daily in Christ’s love, and to purchase a new piece of it daily, and to add conquest to conquest, till our Lord Jesus and we be so near the other that Satan shall not draw a straw or a thread betwixt us.”

Yes! Amen! Hallelujah!

Rutherford somehow tapped right into what I most want, but something I often feel deficient in; that I DAILY move towards intimacy with Christ.

That’s my heart’s desire…… and I’m so bad at it.

I set out to pray and my mind wanders.

I aim for solitude, and the “noise” of life interrupts.

I strain to hear God, but my own thoughts are like a cacophony that drowns out His voice.

But……what Rutherford wrote here encouraged me. First, because he articulated what I could not….that I want to be so close in my walk with Christ that Satan (or anyone) cannot find room to wedge in between us. That’s what I want…..I want to lean fully into my union with Christ. And this often feels out of reach for me…..like slippery soap that I cannot hang onto. I want to know Christ……abide in Christ…..surrender to Him and let Him mold every part of me.

But, sometimes, this feels unattainable. In fact, I often wonder if I can ever be fully intimate with anyone; God, my wife, my children, my closest friends.

I want that. I want to be fully intimate; vulnerable without self-protection, fully giving and receiving in my relationships, total union in not just words but in actuality.

But, more often than not, I bristle at this. I pursue it only to retreat when it is offered. I am desperate for it but am awkward and clumsy in trying to receive it. I yearn for it but never feel worthy of it. And so....intimacy eludes me.

And then…..Rutherford writes two lines that feel like springs bubbling up out of the desert sand: “win new ground daily,” and “purchase a new piece of it daily,” and I am suddenly giddy, because those two lines feel like I can actually “eat the elephant one bite at a time.”

That this kind of intimacy is not something that one can gulp in a day or two, but that it can be attained just a little bit “daily.” That I can potentially “purchase a new piece of it” every day, little by little.

THAT feels like something that is within my reach. Maybe I can get a little closer to Christ each day.

EUREKA!

And then it dawns on me, even as I write this blog entry….

I am not called to EARN that intimacy……I am invited to receive it.

And when that hits me (as it is even while I type this line), my stomach does somersaults. It feels like something kicks me in the gut, but in a good way (if that’s even possible).

I am almost afraid to receive even the possibility that this is true, that Christ simply wants me to make room for Him daily…..that I don’t have to work for intimacy, but that I just have to accept it……invite Him in a little more each day…..ALLOW Him to move towards me, instead of bristling and squirming and writhing out of His embrace.

Can this even be true?

Could it be that the road to intimacy with Christ is less about me “trying harder” and more about me “receiving better?”

I am shaking my head in amazement, even at the thought.

Maybe the “daily ground” is about opening up a bit more each day. That it is not about working harder to “do it” and is about settling into accepting it….resting in it…….allowing it……surrendering to it.

And if that is true, then I feel both exhilarated and frightened, all at the same time. On the one hand, this makes intimacy with God seem like something within reach. On the other hand, if it’s so attainable, why have I constantly felt like a failure at it?

The fear, I think, attaches to that age-old belief that it is all up to me, and that I am not up to the task. That old voice….that I’m not holding up my end of the bargain; that it will never happen because I can’t do it….I can’t even surrender good enough….I can’t even receive well.

I’m afraid because the Enemy whispers that, even in surrender, I’m not enough.

But……what if I can surrender just a tiny bit more each day?

The words of Rutherford offer me hope.

Daily? Just a little more ground?

Maybe, just MAYBE I can do that. A little forward, a little upward…..and a little more intimate each day.

Yes…….maybe I can do that. Not perfectly. Not even exceptionally. But I can most certainly surrender a little more each day, or at least habitually move in that direction.

And then…..maybe one day I will look up, and Satan (or anyone else) won’t be able to “draw a straw or a thread betwixt” Jesus and me.

And, if that is true for me, dear reader……..I offer that it can be for you as well.

And so, I invite you onto this journey with me. Let us surrender a little more every day to Christ’s offer of intimacy.

Daily ground, my friends……Daily Ground.