So, I made an appointment. I agreed to it. I am committed to it. Put it on my calendar and arranged my entire schedule around it.
That used to be enough.
Apparently, this is no longer the case.
There is a disturbing new trend I am seeing in doctors’ offices, dentists, vets, and various other professional arenas.
The new system is this…..even though we've made an appointment…a mutual agreement that I'll make time to see you and you'll make time to see me…I must confirm that confirmation the day before, or they'll cancel my appointment.
In other words, I’m confirmed…..pending confirmation.
This new approach to customer service really bothers me. Not because I am a person who casually misses appointments. On the contrary, to my knowledge, I have never just “missed” an appointment. For me to miss an appointment takes some kind of emergency that not even fate could predict. When I make the appointment, I put it on my calendar right in front of the person I made it with. They ask me if I need an appointment reminder card and I say “no” because I have already committed to it and put it on my calendar.
I don’t need no stinking reminder cards! That is SOOOOOOOOO early 2000’s!
And yet…..it is apparently not enough. I must also confirm my confirmation. Not as a courtesy, but as my only hope of not being canceled!
So, what happens when I have committed to the date, put it on my calendar, and scheduled my entire life around said appointment? What if the day BEFORE my appointment I am busy and miss the confirmation? What if I am that busy the day before because I moved all my other commitments to the day before that very appointment? But then, because I’m busy the day before my commitment, that commitment is therefore canceled??
I am honestly wrestling with what this policy says about how we treat people in our society.
I know why it is happening. I realize that offices deal with no-call, no-shows every day. When that happens, they lose money. I am a counselor. I know all about no-call, no-shows. I experience late cancellations. I get it. It’s frustrating, it affects income, and it prevents you from using that time for someone else. I completely understand the policy of having a late fee or a charge for missing appointments.
But what are we saying when we no longer believe in the integrity of people? What are we saying when we begin treating every person's commitment as though it cannot be trusted? This one policy seems to reflect a pretty negative view of others, and that concerns me.
Also, I’m bristling at the injustice of penalizing those who are responsible simply because there are those who are not. This hearkens back to the days of elementary school where the whole class suffers because of one bad apple. I honestly do not miss appointments and if I ever had, I would have willingly paid the penalty. In that case, I deserved it.
But why am I penalized if I’ve already made a commitment….just because I didn’t make it again?
And there is a certain inequity to this as well. If I fail to confirm tomorrow’s appointment before the end of the workday the day before, they will cancel the agreement we made.
Even though I haven’t broken it….they will cancel it anyway. But, on the other hand, I might show up on time or even early for that commitment but wait almost two hours to be seen. I have even had offices call me on the day of an appointment to cancel for assorted reasons. Oddly enough, they never offered to pay me a late cancellation fee.
As I have tried to ponder why this trend bothers me so much, I think it’s because it touches on another issue.
Sometimes, when we're afraid people won't keep their word, we try to protect ourselves by controlling what they do. But maybe that's just our way of avoiding the uncertainty that comes with trusting people.
Aren’t policies like this trying to control something that really cannot be controlled?
I mean, no matter how tight the policies are, an office cannot control human behavior, or the free will choices of people. A person might confirm their appointment the day before and still not show up for the commitment. Likewise, someone might miss the confirmation request but still show up for the appointment, only to discover it has been canceled.
I don’t want to press too deeply into this being an analogy of human behavior but I’m a counselor, so I really can’t help it. 😊
Of course, we do this in our personal relationships, too. And the ways we try to control others can take many forms.
Maybe we’re so scared of being cheated on that we’re always checking our partner’s phone, or we hover over Life 360, or we are constantly trying to catch them in a lie.
Maybe it’s the micromanaging boss who creates rigid, unrealistic rules or expectations even for dependable and trustworthy employees.
Perhaps it’s the parent who cannot stand the idea of letting their child fail, and so they correct every assignment (or do it for them), intervene in every conflict, or make every decision for the child.
When it comes to human relationships or agreements, there is no guarantee that things will always go the way we want them to. More control does not eliminate the risk that comes with relating to other human beings. Not in our personal relationships, and not even in the professional ones.
And this trend of confirming already confirmed appointments as a way of trying to make VERY SURE that things go the way they should…..well, first of all it doesn’t really work. It also creates an environment where trustworthy people are treated as if they’re not trustworthy, while those who are not probably couldn’t care less.
In essence, the “good” clients are treated with suspicion, while the clients who don’t show anyway…..well……they don’t show anyway.
What's left is a culture of suspicion and distrust rather than one that begins by assuming people will keep their word.
Sigh……I could write about this for a while, but this blog is starting to go long.
Maybe we can talk about it later…..if you confirm your appointment.
